Textual Relations

20 Aug

Picture: My own – from a lifetime ago, way out west.

Not so long ago, ie. in the past few months. I was out at a local country themed bar. Which in my current location is a “novelty.” I of course, actually love it.

(A bit of backstory, I have lived on and off way out west, in cowboy country. So I appreciate a good dive bar, country western band, and you bet your sweet ass I  can two-step.)

Anyway I’m at said bar enjoying my evening of dancing and cheap whisky and met a tall drink of water. He’s in the army, from Kentucky, has 2 kids and is 10 years older than me. Now the first three things should be, and are, red flags. The last one, as you get to know me, will shock you less and less. I like ’em older.

We hit it off, well as much as one can in a sleezey faux country-western bar. We chat about rodeoin’, points west and all that good stuff. (I used to barrel race so I know just enough about the art of Rodeo to get myself in trouble.)  Then he drives me back to my car in his LIFTED 1960-something Ford pick-up truck, did I mention this guy was tall? I mean like 6’9″ kind of tall…like real tall.

So we exchange numbers and a brief kiss, I hop my little wanna-be-cowgirl butt outta his truck (which is parked in the middle of a downtown street) and saunter to my car. Having thoroughly enjoyed myself.

The next day he texts me and says he had a great time and wants to take me out to dinner, I had plans to be out of town all weekend so I said how about next week. He said how about today, lunch?

Hmm, I “seriously” debated for a half a second and declined. Because I don’t take lunches, seriously. (I love my job, I show up first thing and am the last one to leave and I only order lunch in or pack it in my adorable little Vera Bradley lunch tote.) I don’t know much but I do know that this guy is not worth breaking my work-a-holic streak.

I say thanks but no thanks, working on a big project. He’s bummed then sends me THIS!

A FUCKING “SELF PORTRAIT” OF HIM IN HIS ARMY UNIFORM, INCLUDING HAT, SANS SHIRT (also, of course, taken in a bathroom…because what better way to set the scene.)  With a caption that reads;  “Just a little something to distract ya’. lol”

Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve been in a handful of long term serious relationships and I have never sent any sort of photos, or asked for them for that matter. I know this is some people’s thing  (to each his/her own) but this is NOT my thing. HELLO I haven’t even gone on a proper date with this guy and he’s doing this?!

So I don’t text him and a few hours later he texts me saying “I guess not distracting enough…” then another half hour later “Lol?” …no there’s no “lol” here.

Then he has the balls to text me the next day and try to set up a date, the day after that to ask how my weekend was and the day after that asking, “Are you agnoring me?” Somebody’s quick on the uptake and a damn fine speller as well. Yes I was ignoring him and after a few more inquiries, he got the hint.

Yeah, so that happened. Watch out girls, the desperate pic sending male is out there, and he has his pictures locked and loaded. (If this does happen to be your thing shoot me a note, I’ll give you his number – enjoy the show.)

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